Journaling helped a Williamstown woman get through her mother’s final days in hospice. Those journal entries became the foundation of her recent book, “Dying Proud as Purple.”
Liza Ferrara DeStefano, 64, details her experience with losing her mother, Helen Ferrara, in her first book. Ferrara passed at age 85 in May 2024 after receiving a liver cancer diagnosis. Up until that point, she had been very healthy. Their family was told there was not much they could do.
“She could do treatment, but it would make her very, very sick, and she may not even survive it,” DeStefano said. “She said, ‘Nope, I don’t want to do that. I just want what time I have to be without getting sick.’ So she did hospice, and that’s kind of where the journey began.”
DeStefano spent every day at her bedside. After a while, she began journaling daily. She would date these entries and send them to a group of eleven women very close to her – which she referred to as her “Heart Gang” – to share what was going on with her mother and how she was feeling.
The cover of Liza Ferrara DeStefano’s recent book, “Dying Proud as Purple.”
Ferrara passed away within a month of diagnosis. DeStefano kept journaling, and a few months later, she felt inspired to tell her mother’s story and her own story of watching a parent’s life end.
“Dying Proud as Purple” covers the firsthand experience of grieving a loved one, as well as the complexities of grieving them before they are even gone. It includes each of the unedited journal entries, in addition to new material. It was released in late June by Palmetto Publishing, and it is available for purchase online; a copy is also available at the Free Public Library of Monroe Township.
She was invited to give a talk on her book and grief at the library on July 30, and about 30 people joined her that evening.
Since her book’s release, readers have shared their favorite pages, passages, and lines that resonated with them. This inspired DeStefano to ask audience members who had already read the book to share their favorite bits out loud to the group. A few people volunteered, and DeStefano said it was a very touching and heartwarming experience.
“Even after the book was finished, I still feel like I’m not a writer. That’s what I keep saying, and people tell me, ‘But you are! You wrote a book!’ And I get that, but I don’t consider myself that kind of writer,” she said. “So seeing people (resonate) with the book makes me feel good and like, ‘Okay, maybe what I put out there is helping others.”
One attendee told DeStefano that she felt like she needed to be at the event. The woman, who had lost both her parents, said the day of the event was the same day as her late mother’s birthday.
Audience members had the opportunity to read their favorite passages from Liza Ferrara DeStefano’s book, “Dying Proud as Purple,” during DeStefano’s library visit.
“Her mom had also been in hospice. So that really touched me, because I felt like this is really helping someone else,” DeStefano said. “She was so happy she came, and she felt like she was at the right place.”
Despite how DeStefano may feel, she is a writer and someone people can connect with.
In addition to “Dying Proud as Purple” – which is named after her mother’s long-lived strength, pride, and deep love of purple (DeStefano said she was a fashionista and completed most of her looks with purple) – DeStefano is also the author of two poetry collections, “Wings of My Heart” and “Lighting the Way.”
Most of her poetry was inspired by the loss of her father, who unexpectedly passed away in his sleep back in 2018. It was a tragic loss to her, her mother, and her entire family.
“The grief was different, because you’re not prepared,” she said. “My mother was so devastated, and she was very depressed, so we all kind of had to put aside what we were feeling for my father. And I think that’s when I started writing so much poetry.”
Additionally, DeStefano is no stranger to helping others with grief. Back in 2022, she launched a grief group at Apostles Lutheran Church in Turnersville that meets on the first Thursday of the month and is open to the public. She has led it ever since, and it has been rewarding to give back and connect with others.
“There’s no right or wrong way to grieve, and there is no timeline. I always say, ‘Just be soft on yourself, and let your grief be what it will,’” she said.
“It’s like there’s this great big apple pie, and someone took a slice out of it, and there’s a piece missing, and maybe you don’t have that whipped cream on top,” she said of continuing life after losing loved ones. “It’s like there’s always going to be a piece missing, but it’s still going to be good.”
Williamstown author Liza Ferrara DeStefano posed next to a portrait of her late mother, Helen Ferrara, during her talk and book signing at the library.
