‘The dream of someday helped me survive’

“Why didn’t she just leave?”

It’s a common – and ignorant – question often asked about domestic violence victims.

Here are some of the answers from real survivors, Amanda Kelly Esposito shared at a township council meeting on Oct. 8, which she hoped would make “everyone take a pause.”

“He made friends with police when they came,” “I don’t even want to say anything,” “Maybe I’m just too hard to love,” “No one would ever believe this happened again,” “He will still have rights to my child and if he can’t hurt me, he will hurt them,” and “He might kill me for leaving.”

“The reality is, this is the reality,” Esposito maintains, “and any of these answers, as you can see, would be the very last thing that they say.”

Esposito is a mother and survivor of chronic domestic violence, sexual assault and non-fatal strangulation. The urgency to help others weather the storm was the seed that began as a dream of a mission in 2022: her Compass Revival Project.

“I want to be a voice for those still trying to find their way back from chronic trauma or violence, or for those who did not survive” Esposito explained. “If a million people listen to my story – but only one truly hears it – it’s worth all of my volume.”

At times emotional, Esposito bravely shared her story with council.

“During the final years of my violence, through to our time in a shelter, other than my children, the only thing that kept a small flicker of hope alive within me was a wish list,” she remembered. “I added all the things I dreamed of having in my own home. I imagined small things like furniture, room decor and a coffee mug.

“But here’s the truth,” Esposito continued. “I didn’t just add them to the list. I lived them in my mind. I tasted the coffee in a draft mug that I chose. I saw myself writing my memoir on the couch that I loved. I imagined baking cookies with my children in our safe kitchen. I could smell those cookies and could see spilled flour on our countertop.

“That dream of someday helped me survive.”

Now that Esposito has made it, she wants to pour herself into ensuring others are “able to smell the cookies and see the spilled flour on the kitchen.” And until the day comes that enough people are truly listening, supporting and ready to help break the shackles as a whole, Esposito will stand her ground and be that voice.

“I am only one person,” she acknowledged, “and we have a small yet dedicated (army of) volunteers that I hope to water and grow without limits. We especially need volunteers for our emergency response team, our front line and boots on the ground unit.

“The team will serve and be called on by a first level of care provided 24/7.”

That could mean arriving with coloring books and finding a safe space away from crisis to distract a child, holding the hand of a survivor through a forensic exam, and/or being prepared to sit on the ground to hold a mother called to a scene of a fatal accident.

“Our organized branches under Compass Revival Project support many forms of trauma and experiences,” Esposito explained, “from substance abuse, recovery navigation as far as Missouri, house fire victims in the community, motor-vehicle accidents, students in need of peer support and families grieving sudden and traumatic loss.”

She emphasized that survivors of domestic violence “can be anyone anywhere.”

The Compass Revival Project collaborated with The Growth Dojo for its first Survivors’ Empowerment Seminar on Oct. 4. It included a self-defense demonstration.

Esposito said she appreciates the support of the entire township community.

“Unknowingly, it’s been the safest place to always come to since I was a little girl,” she recalled.

Council presented a proclamation to Esposito recognizing October as Domestic Violence Awareness Month.

“The township of Washington remains committed in raising awareness and encouraging every resident to learn more on how they can help prevent this issue, support survivors and promote a culture of respect and safety for all individuals,” it states.