This month’s topic is stillbirth. Early in 2024 this column discussed some of the alarming health statistics, including stillbirth in Cumberland County. Let’s take a closer look at stillbirth.
The definition of stillbirth is death of a baby in utero at or beyond 20 weeks gestation. New Jersey has a higher stillbirth rate (6.2 / 1000 births) than the national rate which is under 5.5/ 1000 births. Even more alarming, the Cumberland County rate of stillbirth is at a high range of 8.2.(Statistics from the New Jersey State Health Department Data (doh.nj.gov/doh-shad)
These statistics mean that nearly everyone either knows a family devastated by stillbirth or they have experienced it themselves. And yet, there remains a strong stigma attached to stillbirth that results in those suffering the loss of an infant having little or no support while experiencing one of the most profound losses anyone can imagine.
Simply put, the death of an infant is too horrifying for most people to contemplate, much less, discuss. Yet, this avoidance causes increased pain to the family that desperately needs to process what happened so that they can grieve in their own way and at their own pace. Often well-meaning people will say things like: “You will have another child” or “It was for the best” or “You need to move on.” These comments only serve to send the message that the beloved child who died didn’t really matter and doesn’t deserve to be mourned. The fact that the infant died before birth does not mean that they were not deeply loved. The later in pregnancy that the death occurs, the more likely the family has made extensive preparations including outfitting the nursery, buying all of the necessary equipment and choosing the baby’s name. To suddenly realize that they will never bring their baby home is far too devastating to comprehend. Yet, they must.
So, what can others do to mitigate the suffering? Honor the family’s loss by talking about the stillborn child as much as they want. Let them lead and give them the space and freedom to talk, to cry, and to grieve. Every family is different, but if we pay attention to speech and emotions, we will be able to respond in a way that respects individual needs. Many families want to talk about the baby, even by name. Follow their lead. Gently support them when they cry, express anger and when they have no words. All of this will show them that you share their sorrow, which is a comfort.
The New Jersey Stillbirth Awareness Campaign is a wonderful resource for families who have experienced loss and their friends. The website njstillbirth.org/ contains information including personal stories of loss and how others can help. Their information is also printable for free, in five different languages.
The Cumberland County Mental Health and Addictions Board actively promotes awareness of stigma and the need for public education regarding mental health and addiction. The Board meets monthly, and the public is invited to attend. Please refer to the meeting schedule on the Cumberland County website for meeting dates. The Board is also seeking new members. Interested persons should send a letter of interest and a resume to Melissa Niles, Cumberland County Human Services, 70 W. Broad Street, Bridgeton, NJ 08302 or melissani@cumberlandcountynj.gov
